Will I ever be able to sit in a warm room again? Will I ever be able to soak-up the sunshine like I used to? Will I ever be able to do all the things I used to do before all of this happened? I had so many questions racing around my mind, I didn't know whether I would ever be back to normal.
During this period of my recovery, my skin was still very sensitive and it would flush as soon as I felt any type of heat on it. I would also flush if I ate anything, even cold food. Therefore, I would go out of my way to avoid warm rooms, hot food and sunshine. Looking back now, this was hugely exacerbated by the anxiety I felt when faced with new situations. My thought-processes would spiral out of control to the point where I would remove myself from every situation in order to relieve the anxiety.
Although I was beginning to feel a little bit better every day, I was still unable to be spontaneous or make plans in case I had to cancel at the last minute. There were moments when I felt despair that I would never get my life back to the way it was pre-steroid cream. I felt as though the happy Holly that existed before, was gone forever. Then I felt the warm ball of light inside of me and I got through each day knowing that the next would be a little bit better than the last. The skin is an amazing organ and I willed it with every ounce of my being to heal and make a full recovery.
Your journey is such a great story...and one that I can relate to. I went through a bout of depression, that was severe....and it just so happened to be during the time when I first stopped using the steroid cream (which I had been using, more on than off, over the past 8 yrs).....after reading your story....I'm wondering if the withdrawal was affecting me....today...I feel great and back to my normal brain function. But one thing that you said that I can sooo relate to is how you end up removing yourself from every situation in order to alleviate your anxiety about new situations. Thank you so much for sharing....this journey that I'm still reading of yours, is really giving support to my soul! :)
ReplyDeleteDear Crystal,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your response to my blog. I am sorry that I have not replied sooner - I have only just seen your message.
I wonder too if when detoxing from steroids, it can affect the way we think. I guess that there is every possibility of this happening as it is a poison. I am glad that my blog is giving support to your soul, this makes me tremendously happy. I am so happy that you now have your life back on track and that you are happy.
Please keep posted for my healthy recipes,
Much love,
Holly x.